Selectively Social Is NOT Antisocial. 

I remember having a conversation with a guy I’d been in the same class with for 2years. I knew all his names, nick names, I could tell he was the one talking without even looking and I knew almost all his clothes.

I had never spoken to him. He was one of those students who had to be singled out by the lecturer for doing something wrong atleast 50 of the 8 times he came to class in an entire academic year. He was surprised I was in his class and as we got talking, he told me it was his birthday so he was having a party and I was invited. I accepted his invitation as quickly as possible as I always do when I have no intention of going and don’t want someone to try to convince me.

Somehow, he sensed I wouldn’t show and told me he knew I wouldn’t. He asked what I did for fun and when I said I watch movies, love gisting with my friends, love web surfing and sometimes read books, he screamed like I was an alien and something was wrong with me.

“You do not have a social life! Why are you antisocial?” He asked.

I spent the next 5minutes explaining the difference between antisocial and selectively social until I realised his opinion about me could not be changed. I gave up and that was the last time we spoke.

I was somewhat guilty because at that time, my resting bitch face was 101% legit. I used to give one word answers a lot and I always wore headphones. I only pull them out, reply a question, put them back on and quickly look away to avoid room for further small talk. Except Raphael who always asked me to take them off cus he wanted to talk about nothing in particular.

I agree that I do not like hanging out, I stay away from crowds. Cee knows first hand how difficult it is convincing me to go out. I feel it takes too much effort to dress up and go out so I am usually thrilled when an outing is cancelled.

I am also guilty of seeing people and unseeing them before they see me. Sometimes, seeing an acquintance after a while is a struggle because the awkwardness is palpable.

I do not know how to act in front of strangers or go to a party and raise my hands in the air like I just don’t care. cus I care.

I do not like it when people assume I am anti-social because I am overly social with people I know. So I feel they should be room for people who are selectively social.

Let me know your thoughts in the COMMENT SECTION below:

What are your thoughts about the antisocial tag?

Are you anti-social, selectively-social or just social?


I just realised this post has a lot of “I’s”. Well, let’s all pretend not to notice.


Feel free to share your thoughts in the COMMENT SECTION. Did you enjoy reading this? Please CLICK LIKE so a girl knows she’s doing something right. Will you like to be notified when ever I publish a new post? Yes? FOLLOW or SUBCRIBE via email (it takes under 3minutes to subcribe)

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40 Comments Add yours

  1. Bassey Etim says:

    Hmmmm….from the looks of it I will fit perfectly into the selectively social group. Am still trying to get myself out of the house for “unimportant things” and starting/participating in small talk isn’t still easy no matter how much I keep trying. But hey, I am a real talkative among the people I know and am comfortable with. So I guess, selectively social.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sim says:

      Word👌. I talk a lot around people I know. That’s just the way I function.
      I can’t act like I am someone’s long lost friend when I am not. And that doesn’t mean I am anti social.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts B.😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Bassey Etim says:

        Same here! Thanks dear!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Deborah says:

    Selectively-social. I love it. Small talk is exhausting to me. Unfortunately, you have to small talk to get to the good stuff. I get RBF a lot, even though I’m often not in a bad mood at all, it’s just me face. Jeeezz.
    Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      Hi Deborah.
      I am glad you relate to this. Sometimes I grow to be overly social with people I was once unsocial with. It is always a process.
      It is just the way some of us are built.
      We spend quality time not making small talk and NO, it is not my angry face, it is just my face.
      Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate your feedback😊

      Like

  3. Lol, I once had a guy tell me I’m weird because I love reading books. You raised a good point here, sometimes you don’t even want to talk to certain people or in certain situations, at those times, the impression from the ones there is that you are anti-social. But you can’t fit into everyone’s expectations all the time. When you are all hyper with your friends, someone somewhere will still say you are too outgoing, a social butterfly. I know I get this sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      People will always be people.
      I always tell them I am not anti social, I am anti idiot.
      We can’t all love doing the same things.
      Phew!😏

      I haven’t been to your blog in weeks. Sorry. I’ve been super busy lately. Thanks to my scheduled posts my blog isn’t suffering too much.
      En route to your blog in a jiffy.

      Like

      1. Lmao at anti-idiot. I’m trying that line someday. No problem jare, life gets in the way. Thanks a lot!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sim says:

        Lol. My pleasure😊

        Like

  4. ihuomasylva says:

    Sometimes people don’t know parties bore some people. They are always like get up and have fun, pls who told you am not having fun on my bed. I can be social when I choose to.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      People always want others to react the same way they do.
      Maybe there’s a secret social scale we are yet to hear of.

      Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts dear.
      I’m sure I have some catching up to do on your blog.
      I’ll get to it soon❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oyinkansolaplus says:

    Selectively social gang. You don’t have to go out to have fun.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      Perfect summary dear. Life is not that hard.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Love the term selectively social, I definitely am going to use it , thanks

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      You’re welcome Shifa. I am glad you like it.😊

      Like

  7. I lost a lot of friends for this reason. I’m not a very overtly social person, I deal with people all day every day at work and after I get off work the last thing I seem to want is more people! I’m not anti-social in my eyes, I just have other things to get done and not a lot of time to DO THEM!! I’ve been told many times, by many people that I’m “anti-social” though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      I wonder what the criteria for being categorised as ‘social’ is and how much they pay members of the association of social people.
      Because too many people are always pointing out who is social and who is anti social like they get paid for it.
      They feel like everyone who isn’t interested in all the things they do is lonely, bored and missing out on all the good things of life.😏
      Thanks for reading Nicole😊
      I’m sure I have missed all the good stuff on your blog. I have been super busy lately and will get to it shortly.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No problem dear! I understand that people get busy… Even if they ARE anti-social! *paid for by the members of IMSTYU (I’m More Social Than You United)* 😂😂😂💖

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sim says:

        Hahahahahaha😂😂😂😂😂😂

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Eukay says:

    It’s my first time on your blog. Nice write up I must say and off course I am SELECTIVELY SOCIAL 😂😂😂. Thanks for giving us a name.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      Lol. Gang!🙌
      Is this the Eukay I know? like the Eukay in UK?

      Like

  9. diingy says:

    Selectively social and honestly it depends on my mood even with the people I’m close to sometimes I’m unenthusiastic but because they’re close to me they expect and somewhat tolerate this behaviour. I hate small talk and people outside my circle ask too much questions about why I’m quiet or why I dont talk to my fellow Nigerians.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      Indeed
      They just expect people to be chatty all the time. It is a wrong notion.
      Thanks for reading dear.

      Like

  10. murisopsis says:

    I am social but I am also not a party animal. You sound so much like my son. He is witty and intelligent with a wicked sense of humor and the best laugh BUT he is introverted to the point of avoiding interaction with anyone he hasn’t known since 5th grade! Once he does get to know you he is a good friend but getting to that point takes a lot of work on the other person’s part….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      Lol.
      I agree. The difficult part is always getting to know someone.

      Like

  11. I’m selectively social, although most people won’t agree. They would always say I’m antisocial and I’m starting to believe them. I avoid conversations by plugging in my earpiece, and most times, no song will be playing. I never party — it’s just not me — and I don’t do well in a team of more than five people. Except maybe I’ve known them for quite some Time. I always have this i-don’t-give-a-fuck look on my face but dem oversabi will tell you I’m always frowning, but that’s a lie. It’s just my real face ish.
    I think it’s like I’ve built a wall around me and am only very friendly to those with me, enclosed by my wall; and I’m wary of those outside the wall. Soooo, selectively social? I think so.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      Oh! You do that too!
      I plug my earpiece when there’s no song playing just so no one talks to me😁.

      People are entitled to their opinion you know? I just don’t subscribe to them shoving it down my throat and expecting me to start living life their way so I can be set free.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I literally was explaining this to a friend of mine. I’m such an introvert (with the resting bitch face) and I’m not proud of it but I solely rely on people approaching me first. But then I get comments like ‘you’re anti social,or rude, yet even condescending’. Not everybody gets it but it is what is. I enjoyed reading this post, I think its great that most of us in the blogging world have similar views.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      The resting bitch face is just a face, cus if we were actually resting bitches they won’t have the nerve to insist on our antisocial behaviour every single chance they get.
      These days, people have a mental picture of how others should behave based on their standards and that couldn’t be more wrong.
      I’m glad you enjoyed reading this and could relate on a personal level❤❤❤

      Like

  13. One time in school, I dared even calling my self a social anemic!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      Lol anything but “antisocial”.😄
      I insist on being “antiidiot” so whatever I am not interested in is prolly idiotic.
      I recently started starting the conversation with
      “If you think I am antisocial, then you derive pleasure in idiotic ventures and are most likely an idiot”.
      That shuts them up everytime😂😂😂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Tamie says:

    Hahahahaha
    This post got me laughing cos it reminded me of times I’ve had similar convos.
    We are in the same gang!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      🙌🙌🙌🙌 Gang!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. I am like that too sometimes, I see where you are coming from girl !

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      Wow! The number of people in the ‘selectively social gang’ is much more than I expected💪.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Liifeai says:

    Weeeelllll I think I’m the selectively social kinda person. I’m a real talkative trust me so making friends isn’t a problem for me but the real wahala is having those friends stick close. But most of the time I’d really just rather be alone, reading or even listening to radio and singing along to the throwback songs!

    Like

  17. dynaxty says:

    “I am also guilty of seeing people and unseeing them before they see me.” Haha… Nice read.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      Lol😄. Thanks for reading

      Like

  18. Ozioma Paul says:

    lol.. nice one here Sim.

    But as we are now selectively social, who is not the social? *just wondering

    To be honest enh, all that all-time-100, party-everytime, always-smiling-and-jumping is just drama and actually unrealistic.
    In the same vein, I do not think anyone is anti-social, people would always have that small group they are comfortable and ‘social’ with
    Everyone is selectively social in a way. That your social is different my social does not make you social and me, anti-social.

    I do like going out but with my friends and family not with random people – even this one sef, once stress starts to enter, I’ll just remove my outing cloth and stay back. I know its good to meet random people and I am working on it….

    And I love your ‘anti-idiot’ phrase. That’s so me. I won’t put up with drama just to be social. Mba 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      True Ozioma.
      Everyone has who they easily vibe with and that shouldn’t mean they are anti-social.
      But again some people have put themselves in charge of putting people in boxes and anyone that doesn’t enjoy the things they enjoy is definitely anti-social and needs to be rescued.
      I think most humans are selectively social. We can’t be friends with every single person we meet and everyone can’t love the outdoors and/or noise.
      Life is not that hard.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts dear.

      Like

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