CYBERBULLYING: Understanding The Victim.

Hello people of the blogosphere! I am very sorry for not putting up a post last wednesday as scheduled. I had an impromptu interview in another state and have been travelling a lot to submit applications here and there.

Trust me, there are a lot of blog post ideas from my interview and travels that I cant wait to churn out so chill.

For today, Obinna of Shards of Bards has written a beautiful piece about cyberbullying.

Most people have experienced it. Infact, it happened to me only last year shortly before I started this blog. I had not replied a guy’s hi’s and hello’s since 2011 and shut him up when he made a rude comment on my page. He put up my picture on his page with lots of insults about me being too proud, arrogant, not a wife material etc and tagged me. (People are mad)

Well, I thought of cussing him out which I am sure I would have done successfully (Yes. I am a recovering clapback addict).

But I decided to be the bigger person and reported him to facebook. I blocked him too but facebook took about 5 hours to take down the photo. I am sure people would have seen it before it was taken down.

So people…..


READ, LEARN AND SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS.


I first learnt of online violence in 2010 and learnt of it from life’s presumed greatest teacher — experience.

I was just promoted to my new class, JSS 2, and transferred to another school. In my new school and class, I was very reserved and to an extent, shy. Back then, I was quite effeminate. People said I often walked, talked and laughed like a girl. I didn’t care, until one day when I was using the toilet, and someone deliberately locked the door from outside.

Thing is, I wasn’t the only one locked in the toilet; another boy was with me — an effeminate boy — and for that very reason, I was scared. Scared of what people would think and say. But long story short, at the end of the day, people carried rumours that I was homosexual, and I heard that a senior student had posted my story on Facebook. I didn’t know much about Facebook that time. I only thought of Facebook as a site where people told the world about personal stuff, so when I heard that my story — my false story — had been told to the world, I felt ashamed. I felt naked. Which was why I transferred to another school, months later.

Cyberbullying is something prevalent in women, but this doesn’t mean that men don’t suffer it, too. They do. It’s a general problem. A general challenge. Our world as it is places everyone in different, sensitive classes: religion, race or ethnicity, and gender.

But what about our virtual world? The online world where we’re so absorbed in creating personas that either is or conflicts with our personalities in reality? The online world where we’re seemingly free — from physical harm and reality itself? In this world, are our differences, our classes, are they resolved? Are they nonexistent? Not quite.

Cyberbullying is just as terrible as physical bullying and social media is (or has been) its domain for long. I’m guessing you’re very active on social media so I’ll ask now, have you come across Facebook posts, tweets or blog posts:

Shaming someone’s physical appearance?

Discriminating one’s religious beliefs?

Criticising someone’s sexual orientation?

If you have, then you’ve seen a firsthand display of cyber violence. Unlike physical violence, it almost always revolves around our physical appearance, race and gender orientation.
First, physical appearance. Thin or fat; short or tall. Beautiful or ugly. Pretty simple.

Second, race. White or black; American black or non-American black. American, African, Asian or Hispanic. Somehow complex, yet simpler than the next one.

Lastly, gender orientation. Straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, lesbian, or queer. A very sensitive table to shake, aye? Well, I won’t digress, don’t worry.

I’ve seen and heard of many victims of cyberbullying. I’ve seen people threaten other people on social media. I’ve seen people reveal very personal details and information about others on Facebook.

I’ve seen people post screenshots of the PRIVATE conversations they’d had with other people, just to publicly shame them. I’ve seen people upload nude pictures of women to embarrass them, and taint their public image. I’ve seen biased blog posts blindly criticising a certain religion based on hearsay. I’ve seen people organising online campaigns, calling for the heads of a couple involved in a same-sex relationship. I’ve seen all fifty shades of cyberbullying!

Maybe these are “too serious” examples. Have you seen someone embarrassing another person on social media for having very few post likes and comments? What about grammar and language? Have you seen people shame others because they’re illiterate or bad at speaking English? I have.

Two days ago, I saw someone put up a picture of a girl in my neighbourhood, telling the public how her sexual immorality had now made her a teenage mom.

Many people believe cyberbullying is nothing serious. Would you believe me if I told you that I’d considered suicide because of that incident? Cyberbullying can do more damage than physical violence, believe me. It can lead to depression and anxiety, and can make one feel inferior. Naked. Cyberbullying can ALWAYS incite physical harm!

I’m stronger than I was ten years ago and more mature. And I don’t think I would ever consider suicide if someone shames me publicly on social media today, but that’s ME. Not everyone has that will power.

Like every other negative trend, online violence will sadly tarry with us for a long time, which begs the questions:

Why do people derive joy in shaming and/or threatening people online?

  1. Is it because of the anonymity the internet provides them?
  2. Is it because the people they’re shaming make them feel insecure?
  3. Is it just sheer ignorance?

Please share your thoughts and/or experiences in the COMMENT SECTION.

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You should also follow Obinna at http://www.myshardsofbards.wordpress.com

Thank me later❤❤❤

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38 Comments Add yours

  1. I’m just seeing this, Sim. Thanks for posting!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sim says:

      My pleasure 😊

      Like

  2. I hate when people say “Just don’t be online, then.” Everyone has the right to enjoy social media! No one should be prohibited from any public place (be it online, park, Walmart, whatever) because harassers don’t want them there. That’s just giving the bully what they want and punishing the victim for it.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Sim says:

      Indeed Yari. “No one should be prohibited from any place”
      Instead, bullies should be shunned. Not the victim.
      Most times lies are spread and it changes people’s lives just because a little tyrant decided to make up a story.
      Thankyou for reading and sharing your thoughts😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. floatinggold says:

    Great commentary. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been victimised. Glad you’re still with us.
    I would have never considered suicide because of this, but it might be because I have never had an experience like that.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh well, I was very young and too scared to talk to my parents or anyone about it. I’m glad I didn’t take any rash action though.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Sim says:

      Me too Goldie.
      But I guess people react to stuff differently.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Cyberbullying is unfortunately thriving because it gives the bully a mask (a screen) to hide behind. They never have to face the consequences of their actions.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think so, too. It’s because of the anonymity the internet provides 😔
      I really hope those guilty of the act learn better and turn over a new leaf. That way, they’ll be solving one of the many problems in our world today.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Sim says:

      I couldn’t agree with you more Kaylaan!
      Keyboard terrorists everywhere.
      Some people go as far as creating a fake profile just to shame another person without being held responsible for their actions.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sim courage posting this! And courage from the guy who wrote it. Cyber bullying is so sad humans just had to find a way to taint social media 😓😓 God help us

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Deshi, many thanks for reading. 😁
      I don’t know what to say jare, we need more than God’s grace, help and mercy.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Sim says:

      Well put Deshi!
      Humans legit find a way to taint everything.
      Thankyou for reading😊

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Cyber bullying is real! I’ve not experienced the worst of it but I’ve had people close to me go on the internet to shame my creativity. Most of them like you said are keyboard warriors and it’s all dust when they meet you in person

    https://mydenimheaven.com/2018/05/16/5-types-of-people-youd-meet-in-nysc-camp/

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sim says:

      Very true.
      I don’t know what prompts the act. Saying things about a person online – things that they would not say to the person’s face.
      Perhaps to make themselves feel better.

      I visited your blog earlier today and read the post.💕

      Like

  7. murisopsis says:

    There was a study done that allowed people to shock participants. They found that if the person shocking them was hidden, they were shocked 2 – 4 times more often. So I do think the anonymity of the internet brings out the worst as if they let their inner monsters take over since they can remain hidden behind fake profiles!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sim says:

      Indeed. Anonymity sure brings out the worst since they would not have to answer for their crimes.
      It is sheer cowardice.

      Like

  8. What bullies don’t understand is that it’s all fun and games for them until they are the victims. Cyber billing definitely affects real life and what’s more sad is that onlookers subconsciously encourage these bullies by reposting the pic/message or hauling insults on the victim. Everyone online has the tendency to be a bully directly or indirectly….we should definitely be mindful when surfing the internet

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sim says:

      You summed this up nicely.👌
      “Everyone online has the tendency to be a bully directly or indirectly”
      I agree.

      Like

    1. Sim says:

      Thankyou for this Trina😊

      Like

    1. Sim says:

      Thankyou🙌

      Like

  9. What an incredible post. Luckily for me I have chosen wisely who is on my facebook and most are incredibly supportive and for the most part positive; then again most of my friends are in their 30’s; with families and careers; they have matured. Although there have been times when someone has made a snide comment towards me or sent me a nasty message; but that is a rarity. I am so lucky that social media did not exist in my school days; I was bullied relentlessly on the schoolyard but I got a break from it when I went home. I didn’t have to have my humiliation displayed for the whole word to see; I am so sorry that happened to you; it makes me very angry and you feel helpless. How do you react when you don’t know who’s doing it?. It is much harder for bullied kids today; I can’t even imagine. Its sad that we can’t treat each with dignity and respect; we all deserve that.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sim says:

      I made that mistake pretty early. I got tons of friend requests from both people I knew and people I didn’t know.
      Checking out the profiles before accepting was too much work so I accepted every one and I regret it most days. Some send direct messages with love proclamations and when ignored, they become angry and make snide comments on your timeline. ThankGod for the block button.

      I still have people on my list that would have names like “Carol The-lipgloss Hot-girl” when their real name is “Chioma Nwachukwu” so that tells you how immature they are😩

      Yes. Everything makes it into the internet these days. Bullies are bold enough to post it. I wonder how it makes them feel.
      Thankyou for sharing your thoughts and following.😊 Enroute to your blog.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Nakas says:

    Why do people derive joy in shaming and/or threatening people online?
    Is it because of the anonymity the internet provides them?
    Is it because the people they’re shaming make them feel insecure?
    Is it just sheer ignorance?

    Personally, I think it’s the 3 of them but more of the first. Most people don’t exactly have the courage to say most of the things they say online.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      True. I wonder why someone would spend time creating a fake profile just to bully another person.
      I saw an instagram account a while back handled by someone who hated the Kardashians and for the pleasure of people who hated them as well. Funny enough, they had a large following.
      I don’t understand why someone would put so much effort into hating another person online.
      I think it is idleness.
      An idle man is the devil’s workshop.
      Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts Nakas😊

      Like

  11. gaillovesgod says:

    Bullying of any kind is so cruel. It is sad to know people choose to be like this… ESPECIALLY grown adults! I’m sorry you had to go through what you did! I praise God you are in a better place, and willing to educate and advocate!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      When Obinna reached out to me with the idea, I got interested because I have passed through physical bullying from age 9-14.
      The kind where I had high blood pressure, chronic insomnia and was easily lost in thought at just 13yrs. But that was boarding school and it was a norm for seniors to bully juniors.
      But someone going on social media to bully someone in the eyes of millions of people and going as far as tainting their reputation is just sickening.

      Thankyou for taking out time to catch up with my almost incoherent musings.
      I appreciate your feedback a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. gaillovesgod says:

        inspiring and motivating musings! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Liifeai says:

    I can say with surety that I’ve never been a victim of cyber bullying but that doesn’t mean I don’t see it going on around me.
    I’m pretty sure this write up came at the right time seeing as there’s such a case of cyber bullying going on in my school and the thing is we students tried to stop it by reporting but it was no use as the “virus” has already been spread.
    And I don’t know if cases of cyber bullying would ever stop in the world cause there’d always be that person filled with hate but I think the best thing is just for us as individuals try our best n matter how little to reduce the cases we know of.

    This is such a beautiful write up and I’m so happy you put it out there on your blog for people to find. ♥️♥️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      Indeed. Whatever little we can do would surely make a significant difference.

      We all aid cyberbullying consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes we don’t even have to like a video, something as harmless as viewing it increases the bully’s stats and makes him/her feel people will like to see more of that and hence find their next victim.

      Thankyou so much for reading and I am glad you could relate this to happenings in your environment cus this happens everywhere and not enough people even notice the damage it is doing.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Liifeai says:

        You’re welcome Sim 🙂and hopefully cyber bullying would be put to a stop.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. gaillovesgod says:

    Sim… I mentioned your blog in a recent post Bloggers Support Bloggers Award because I wanted others to know how supportive you are. May God bless you for your heart for others.
    Here is a link to the post.
    https://gaillovesgod.blog/2018/05/30/bloggers-support-bloggers-award-5-26-18/

    Like

  14. Hii Sim, I have nominated you for ‘Tag! Freedom’. I hope you will participate:)

    Like

  15. Neha Sharma says:

    This needs to be said! Somehow, the act of bullying virtually makes people feel like there is no real person at the receiving end. Sorry about what happened to you 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sim says:

      Indeed Neha,
      Every form of bullying still creates damage.
      Like you said, doing so virtually makes people see it as less than what it is-bullying.
      Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Neha Sharma says:

        Hey Sim. Thanks for acknowledging my comment. The dark side of the internet always makes me sad 😦

        Liked by 1 person

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